South Africanism 101: How to speak like a local (almost)

An important element of any introductory course is starting from the beginning, so a few pointers to start out with:
*Enunciate. 'T's really should be pronounced as such and not as 'd's. I was once asked if I could speak in less of an accent by a first language Afrikaans speaker. I giggled inside.
*If at first you don't succeed, try try again. I overheard a conversation that went like this: "Hello may I speak with Dr. X?" "Dr. X is not in." "Do you know when Dr. X will be back?" "Do YOU know when Dr. X will be back?" "Do you have the number for Dr. X?" "Do YOU have the number for Dr. X?" "Can I leave Dr. X a message?" "Why don't I just give you his cell phone number."
*When reading the text of the average male, don't be too hasty in writing him off as gay. Texts contain an average of 2.5 :)'s and 1 muah. These will also be extremely long, as you have to get the best bang for your buck with pay-as-you-go phones.
*If all else fails, smile. No one can resist the charm of a happy foreigner.

And on to the all-important list of phrases, sayings, and isms.
*Howzit = What's up
*Just now = As close as South Africans can get to "in a second"...unfortunately they're perpetually slow so it's more like in a Texas minute.
*Tomato Sauce < Catsup (equal sign does NOT apply)
*All sorted = Good to go
*Umlungu = Zulu for white person. Very helpful for understanding what little kids pointing at you in Cato Manor are saying.
*Stylin' = Super sorted...people will be jealous
*Take Away = To-Go/Take-Out
*Packet = Plastic bag
*Robot = Traffic light
*Tuck shop = Snack shop...could be run out of anything from a house to a
*Air time = $$$ for your pay-as-you-go phone
*Hawu (shame) = Expression of empathy
*Haibo = Expression of surprise/other strong emotion
*Yeesh = Expression of badness that crosses all linguistic boundaries...especially helpful for haggling and for explaining to a homestay mama that you are sick

Now you're all sorted...Zulu lessons come next!